New thread.

Post how you are feeling today or if something big is going on in your life in a Dear Diary sort of format.

Just remember to have a point and structure and some length to your posts. Thanks!

I am gonna start this one I feel happy now and I was kinda crying earlier but someone and something cheered me up... :D

Hey, Carlos!!!

Always a pleasure to have you 'round here, amigo! :cheers:

And, glad you're feeling better! :dance:


I just bought another disc of the "IGPX" dvd series with Michelle...3 down...2 to go...

DD,

Ahhh sleeping until 4. I really should stop doing that. New Years is soon I am so so so so so so so so so so so excited. Although I am nervous, because when I'm under the influence I tend to confess, well everything. I need to find a way to control myself. Anyways, Happy Saturday everyone :)

Dear Diary...

I feel like such a loser today...I feel like I am ungrateful and good for nothing...Not even remotely a good friend.

You see, a friend gave me this very personal Christmas present; a pendant that one of the first she ever bought for her self and it had very sentimental and spiritual attachtments. It was a spur of the moment thing...But, it meant alot to her...And therefore, a lot to me...Well, I placed in my trouser's pocket...And I lost it...I've looked everywhere but have been unable to find it...I have no idea what to tell her...She gave me a gift and I, like lost it in a matter of a couple of hours...I feel so guilty and disgusted with myself...

Dear Diary,


It's new years eve. Wooooooo. I'm going to attempt to survive it with a very limited time of sleep. Agggghhhhhhhhh. I love my mother soo much she went out and bought me like 3895798476 shirts because I didn't have one. She bought that many so I could choose one and then she's gonna tale the rest back. I love my mom so much she's great. Wheeeee new years. I'm not looking forward to the long ass packed subway ride.

I'm pretty sure that I need help. I'm painfully lonely and I don't want to live anymore.

I mean, I don't think that I will kill myself because I think of my parents and what that will do to them, despite the fact that they think I'm going to hell as a homosexual. I know that they still love me.

I've been to a residential treatment facility (aka mental hospital aka prison). I don't want to ever go there again. I couldn't even go outside, because they have gates around the smoking area and lots of security. You have to wear a certain band to be able to even leave the unit. I didn't feel better until I left the place. Not to mention a friend that I made there died at that place, because he didn't get proper medical treatment.

But something has to happen. I can't keep feeling like this.

Going to my friends' house for New Year's Eve and watching everyone get a kiss but me was kind of the final straw. I can't help but think something's wrong with me. I've been on one date in my entire lifetime, at 19 (I'm 25 now) and she never even called back. And I have been TRYING, but no one's attracted to me like that. It must be the hearing aid.

But I can't go on feeling like this.

*sighs*

Be with a friend, or more...Talk with them and ask for their help...

Your friends will be there for you... :hug:

Well today was dull, I played Paper Mario all day (literally). But tomorrow I get tested for intelligence! At least, I'm assuming it's for intelligence. They didn't really say what it was for, and used learning disorders and superior IQ interchangebly when explaining it to me. BUT, I was told that I would get to do ink blots, so I don't really care about the rest, because I can always mess with the tester if I don't like him/her by telling them that every ink blot looks like a fat man with a gun.

Every time.

B)

Today's been GOOD :D had work, then i just cleaned my new flat :D

Dear MRU Diary,

Last week at the club I was sitting at a table by myself. All of a sudden I hear someone yell "Hey!" I looked up and it was this guy motioning for me to come here. So I got up and walked up to him to see what was up. "My homie right here wants to holla at you" His friend walks up looks at me, starts to laugh, and walks away. His friend that called me over said never mind walking away laughing too. Trust, this isn't the first time stuff like this has happened before.

This shit has been boggeling my mind all week. I try to just brush it off but with my older brother encouraging me to wear make up it's hard not too. I hate to take pictures ESPECIALLY close up pictures. I've had so many pictures on my myspace that I have deleted because I they were ugly because I thought I was ugly. Even during new year's whenever someone pointed a camera towards my way, I threw my hood over my head and walked away.

This morning I had to blow dry my hair and as I was doing so I was staring deeply into the mirror figuring out how I can"fix" my face. After my hair was done. I took a curling iron that my cousin left over and spent almost in hour figuring out how to curl my hair. After giving up, I asked my mom for a dollar so i could go to the store and get some batteries for my CD Player. I had 4 batteries sitting in my night stand. I didn't need to buy anymore. I told her I needed some so I can have an excuse to walk down to a store called "Sally's beauty supplies" to look at make up. After I came back home from the store. I walked into the bathroom again, Look into the mirror, and broke down crying.

Insecurity is a Bitch.

Yours Truly,
Shanti.

:hug:

Though I'm a guy...I get the whole, "Looking-In-The-Mirror-And-Hating-What-You-See" thing...

Trust me when I tell you...It's not the make-up that'll change your feelings...It's the people you hang out with that will change things for you... :)

D,D...

Like a half passed week I was okay but,today I woke up and I was pissed off! :fume: and now I feel like crying and I am completly let down well,can somebody hold me please I really need that from someone that love me okay. :sniff: :cry: :rant:

DD, i had a wondeful day, spent most of it working on my new website and the rest of it at the beach.... life is beautiful :grin: :wave: :clap: :hug:

Hey...Anything for mi amigo... ;)

:hug:

Thanks anyway and a hug back to you... :) :lol:

Ive never posted on this thread dont know why, lol!

Im off work on holiday, except that im not going anywhere which means i'll just be lazy till i get back to work! Lol! Today we had a carpet fitted in the living room and while that was happening, i was working my ass off to get in shape. I never new how unfit i was, its scary. Ive spent the day sweating like hell, hungry like hell then falling asleep at 5pm, because i was so tired. I wake up then ive got a really bad headache so today was really fun.... :(

Going to the Movies tomorow with girlfriends, so hopefully i'll feel a lot better thanx to a Disney movie and a heartbreaking romantic story with Hilary Swank. :angel:

Hey, thanks...Hope your life goes as well as you could possibly want, mi amigo!

Yeah my VIDA will all change and I was kinda :cuss: :ph43r: today because of what happened.

Mi amigo...You must let it go...The last thing you need is that jerk messing up your life right now, Carlos...

Yeah thats what I think that he is trying to do but,I don't think so I didn't let him pass by me I went through him...ignored him all day...and now I woke up happy and laughing.... :D

There ya go! ;)

Yeah!!!!!and I am like freeeeeeeeee!!!!!thanks you amigo for being here for me when I need some one... :D

;)

:D

Hold me ? seriously ? * :drive: *


ps...you're going to be okay !! like my father use to say to me * shake the s*** off Ray, you're a guy * i hope that helps ! :D

:yeah: :love: :hug:

You don't need those tears Shanti...

Do you know how many girls would love to be in your shoes right now?
Girls these days want to be noticed for their brains not their looks..

C'mon now, look at Anna Nicole and Nicole Ricci
See where that has taken them?

You have a steady head on those shoulders, and that is GORGEOUS!
Don't let anyone tell you different alright?


Minx

January 13th...

I feel awful...I let my friend down when she needed me most... :(

I'm so ashamed... :sniff:

I don't deserve her friendship... :shakehead:

:hug: Minx is right hun, its not about looks. A lot of women would kill to have brains, look at Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie! Lol. What matters is what inside, i think you have a heart of gold and nothing else matters. The people who slate you about you looks are the ugly ones, because how could anyone stand to be around people who are bitchy and judge you by your looks?! I know how you feel, and a lot of girls are really insecure and i think thats really sad because the bitchy people have opened up a can of worms. Theirs like a rule you have to look immaculate and beautiful to be in with the popular crowd which i hate. Like you said, insecurity is a Bitch, thats life, really sucks. Never think any less of yourself just because of the way you look hun! :hug: xxxxxxxxx

Anthony, sometime or another we're not there for our friends, dont beat yourself up about it hun, just be there for them now xxxxxxx

hola Shanti!just a friendly advice don't allow those insecurities to pull you down (i'm sorry that is how I feel your emotion)...physical beauty is just physical but inner beauty makes a person beautiful inside and out...if you like I recommend you to try read the"Seeds of Greatness" by Denis Waitley...I do hope it will change your views about insecurities after reading that book. Open your mind dear :)

Thanks my little British "Friends" lover... ^_^

Still...It stings, ya know?

I feel angry ,desapointed and I feel like telling few people exactly what i think about them but intead i will chosse to do something that i love i'm getting ready to go surfing and everytime that I do that it helps me,I feel relax and everything else becomes so small !! I feel very annoy today so a good wave will do me good ;)

Hey ray...Go surf and feel better about yourself...Some people are just always going to give you grief no matter what...They just enjoy fighting...Fear not, I ain't one of them, my friend!

Hang ten!!! :D

Dear Diary..

I have the worst headache from working out!

Oh...You do, do you? :brow:

Yeah...I'm sure you do, Kimberly... :rolleyes:

thanks Anthony !! yeah it works everytime ! well the only problem is that I smell like fish rightnow hehe :lol: ,got to go and take a shower and after that i will post on the BG thread ,you and pit are having a nice chat there !! thanks again body :)

Dear Diary,


I am by far the happiest person ever right now. For all you canadians who watch much music I am sure you're familiar with a program called Much on Demand. WELLL tomorrrrow the cast of Degrassi is coming there! AND IM GOING!! IM GOING IM GOING IM GOING IM GOING. It's going to be so awesome I may even cry hehe.

Hola Shanti!
I made this for you…. hoping to help you erase the insecurities that you have in yourself. Some of these words were copied from my “notes to carry” (collections of quotes and words of wisdom).
When I read your post I felt your emotions. I was once on the same moccasins.
Shanti you’re still young…there is time to gain knowledge and wisdom, and be changed into a new real YOU, Shanti.
Look at your self through other people’s eyes. From there, you can say you are valuable and worthwhile as any other person. For there will never be a person who is more important than any other person, no matter how they look. It’s the attitude and brain that counts you IN. It’s the only thing that will assure you of what you can’t assure to your self that you’re really something.
You have to accept yourself. Have self-acceptance, seeing your self as worthwhile, changing, imperfect, growing individual. We are not born wit equal mental and physical uniforms – we are born with equal right to fell deserving of excellence according to our own spiritual standards. If you really know your self from the inside-out you couldn’t get discouraged when something unaccepted (as you may say) in you threaten you from the outside-in.
People become fascinated with the pictures and words and wind up forgetting the real and true language of the world. People are getting blind with the inner beauty in one person. We live in this carnality.
Be at your self, be who and what you are and be willing and open to change for the better. It’s much easier to get back to being who you know you are than it is to become like someone you don’t know. Be simple but extraordinary. It’s the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary. If you have your vision and dreams, focus on that. Your vision of where or who you want to be is the greatest asset you have. Be happy the way you are now…living every minute with love, grace and gratitude as well as discover the treasure that has been reserved for you. Pay attention and try to get the best of every moment, live your moments fully…enjoy your life and explore your world. Embrace also the process of learning. Everyone has his own way of learning things, your way is not the same as mine, nor mine as yours, but we’re both in search of our something new and good. I respect you for that. This is just my advice to you because I feel you, though I don't know you personally. There is nothing to hold you back except your self. Chin up baby! :)

Truly yours,
Kat :hug:

I am feeling greatful today and bieng nice to people and I feel like that I am blessed by someone...and every time that I do that I feel like that person is giving me the advice and I think that is my young brother that he passed away like 3 years ago and it seems that everwhere I go I feel him following me and I am SAFE with him watching over me.I really missed him and I remember that I used to hang with him every single day and now that I am not with him now I feel LONELY. :(

Thank you for writing that...

I really appreciate it. :hug:

Dear MRU-ers,

I got my first Precalculus quiz of the quarters back and my was score was a 3. Wanna know out of how many possible? Not 5, not 10, not 15, but 20! :o Yeah so I pretty much tanked it. I wouldn't be as worried if the teacher actually collected our homework but all of our points basically comes from tests and quizzes. I went to a study group that was organized by someone in my class and it's just want I needed to get through this difficult math course.

I was reading over my last entry and I thought "What the hell was I thinking?" lol. Those were the words of the old Rashanti from about 3 years ago. I guess I was really embarrassed by what those idiots did but trust, I got over it. I would like to thank those of you who replied to it and offered some encouraging words. Love you guys :hugs:

I ran into one of my friends at school today who I haven't seen since december. She is the leader of our GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) group at our school and today we sat down and talked for literally 2 1/2 hours. I even ended up missing my english class which was no biggy. Makes me remember what kind of friends I have.

During our conversation we were talking about our love lives. None of us have one at the moment but we talked about some people that we have crushes on and one particular member of this forum was mentioned. :rolleyes: I'm not saying who it is even though 90% probably know who it is anyways :P I'm just going to let you all speculate.

Lovies and huggies,
Shanti